Meisie’s Earliest Memories

Circa 1987…

Figure 1: Remembered and Written by Kiska (2014)

“no sound. Its been this way since I was 3 yrs old. Maybe even younger, drinking a bottle of milk, a Man With no Face takes it away from me, he puts another bottle in my mouth, it hurts, it burns, the Man with no face tells me to swallow, it tastes yucky, I vomit and cry, he hits me, he punches me, I bleed, Mommy at work he says. Don’t tell, the shadow Man comes into the bed when it’s dark, he touches my special place, it hurts, he puts the other bottle in my mouth again, Mommy doesn’t know, Mommy at Work, Mommy says she’ll be…”

I wondered what the Man With No Face felt as he walked back down the dark hallway to his room, bare feet noiselessly padding over the well-aged parquet flooring? What did he feel after he’d just raped a young girl? Did he feel sick to the stomach, guilt churning deep inside? Did he feel more alive, adrenaline coursing through his body, having eaten of the forbidden fruit and sated his sexual craving?

Did he remonstrate with himself, promising that this time was the last time, so God help him? Or did he congratulate himself on getting away with it again?

Did he go to Church every weekend and pray for forgiveness, or did he easily and with a clear conscience trade small talk with the priest and the rest of the congregation after the service? Or did he shun Church, the Beast having possessed him completely?

Did he try and justify his actions to himself; she’s too small to realize what’s happening, he wasn’t really hurting her? Or did he just not care…?

And what did the little girl do after the Man With No Face left the room? She cried. Meisie cried… and she’s still crying today. But, maybe she also dreamt of a world without the Man With No Face, where she was strong, and nobody hurt her. Maybe she tried to hide inside her head, put all the pain and fear in the furthest corner of her mind, where she didn’t have to see it.

Maybe she did both…?